Making ..... and Taking that call

Networking Nausea or Two things I finally learned

As I assembled thoughts about networking, a key point I wanted to share would fall halfway through…. And I know no one reads through a Friday Thoughts… so I moved it up front….

I suspect everyone has read The Story of a Curious Phone Call. If you haven’t, I urge you to stop reading my drivel and read it now. If this doesn’t stir something inside it might be time to visit a cardiologist….

I am headed to the conference  “before dinner cocktail hour”……it is billed as a great “networking opportunity”. But as I get closer, nausea begins …. slight bubbling and gurgling….

Randomly walking up to lone strangers feels only slightly less worse than pushing myself into a group of unknown people already talking….

I am tempted to slip into that warm, safe cocoon of talking to colleagues.

There is no career advice more ubiquitous than “Build a Robust Network” …  

But networking is nauseating to me - it feels sleazy, selfish, awkward ….. Ferrazzi’s concept of generosity ("Never Eat Alone" ) is the best guide ..… but still….

At first LinkedIn seemed to be Networking Nirvanna for all of us introverts…. But it seems to be deteriorating into a sad business version of Facebook…Shameless self-promotion is being crowded out by self righteous proclamations of support for the latest National (fill in the blank) Day….

At some point I let “networking” devolve into a singular focus of adding new connections - that is certainly important (and difficult and painful).  …. but I was neglecting two critical dimensions to networking….

They are simple, natural and almost always rewarding and uplifting…..  and as a by product, I am often surprised by the unexpected benefits.

 What are these two magical secrets to “networking?”  

1. Staying in touch with the people I already know…. 

For a long time I did not appreciate – or spend the time nurturing my existing network. I had worked to meet people and then just let the connections wither away. Yet reaching out to people I know is so easy and natural….…

I do hesitate to connect when there is not a compelling reason or pending transaction - people are busy - I fear I am wasting their time. I am surprised how easily we can convince ourselves that someone - especially past clients - would not want to connect – and we are almost always wrong. (Related Post  "She won't respond" )

Yet I have increasingly found that simply connecting,  with no expectation or motive other than to catch up, is rewarding. If they are doing well, it is exciting and I can be happy for them…. If they have hit a bit of a rough spot, I can listen with empathy and be supportive…..  either way it is a good experience and I almost always learn something new.

On the flip side, I have personally experienced how much an unexpected “just checking -in” call can mean on a tough day.

There are times when I reach out for a very specific reason – I need something… and I found the best approach is to be direct …I remind them that I am the kind of friend they can depend on – always around when I need them…

And in the spirit of generosity look for ways that I might be helpful

Occasionally, when I reach out to someone I haven’t spoken to in a longtime, the conversation is awkward and forced ……. They are suspicious that I need a job……or selling extended warranties for their car (contact me if you are interested !!) ….. usually after a few minutes it becomes a comfortable catch up.

Other times the conversation will be dead..… there just isn’t a connection any more…. But that is a risk I am now willing to take because the the great conversations far outnumber the dead ends.

And sometimes a connection don’t respond at all – I am ignored…  if I don’t get a response after 3 tries I know it is time to move on…. (if only you had known it was that easy to get rid of me)

2. Returning that call….

I have never responded to a request as dramatic as The Story of the Curious Phone Call. But I do get requests to speak with a friend’s friend about career advice or to make an introduction. These calls have the potential to be annoying and a waste of time – and usually I know there is no benefit to me to take the call – yet I almost always do – for one simple reason.

Over the years there have been so many people who selflessly helped and supported me …… and I have built up a very large debt.

Taking these calls is a small way that I maybe can begin repay a small bit of that big debt….

Responding to all requests can be overwhelming – and can be a huge time sink. Bartleby’s Why you need to say ‘no’ to coffee meetings is a poignant reminder to be efficient with our time.

One useful screening mechanism I discovered was to offer time on a Saturday morning - I was surprised how many urgent needs to connect disappeared…

But, like The Curious Phone Call, these conversations have the potential to help someone in ways we may never imagine or even know.

* * *

Networking is a complex …….and personal topic. Covid changed many norms. I am sure I don’t have the best insights on successful networking. But I have learned:

-          Cocktail hour networking is nauseating and inefficient for me

-          I underappreciated the benefit of staying in touch with existing connections

-          Responding to requests is a small way I can begin to repay my debt to those that have helped me

What have you learned about networking ?

Some thoughts for a Friday……

Walt