Many years ago as a newly adoptive parent of a beautiful 2 year old girl, I was surprised that I was uncomfortable or perhaps even offended when people would ask:
“Who are her real parents?”
…. I’ve been told I am not sensitive enough to be offended…. but somehow this question touched a nerve – perhaps triggering deep insecurities about whether I could love an adoptive child the same as our biological children…
I also remember being confused to learn that for the LGBT community the word “queer” was perfectly acceptable…. but the word “choice” was highly sensitive lightening rod….
Last year a friend gently, but firmly, corrected me when I said “disabled person” – and introduced me to Person-First language …. instead of “disabled person” it was better if I said ”person with disabilities.” Yes!!! …..much better and eminently logical and reasonable once I understood it….
“people who were enslaved” vs “slaves”…..Of course!! … a subtle difference – but an important one.
I am pretty sure I was the last person in the world to lean about Person-first language- I found this guide to be very helpful. I also realized things can be complicated - there is some debate about Person-first language vs, Identity-first language…..
Recently I had the privilege of listening to a discussion among a group of people with disabilities discussing how they felt about different language and shared some frustrations ..… it was eye opening to say the least..
I did not appreciate that the word “handicapped” was felt by many to be inappropriate. I had never heard that the term originated from people with disabilities begging with cap in hand …. There is a debate that perhaps the term came through an old British game…..
…. But it doesn’t matter, it seems that many people with disabilities don’t like the term ‘handicapped” and what it implies…
Now it is obvious to me that the term “handicap access” is as dated as a rotary dial phone…. The concepts of Universal Design, Design for All and Inclusive Design have broad implications that make the lives of diverse humans more comfortable and safer in many ways. I can see now that, where possible, ramps are easier and safer – not just for those in wheel chairs but also parents with children in strollers, young children, or someone temporarily using crutches. And I am confident that the yellow bump strips on streets originally intended for people with vision limitations have saved the lives of many people walking with their faces glued to a screen
These design concepts apply not just to architectural standards but also products, packaging and our technology interfaces
The conversation gave me a better appreciate the critical difference between empathy and sympathy.
I was also shocked and disappointed to hear of the incredibly insensitive things people using a wheelchair or a cane hear from others – and how it made them feel.
My mother had to wear ace bandages on her legs for several years to prevent blood clots. And she had a wicked sense of humor. People would come up to her and ask what was wrong with her. She would step very close to them, put her hand on their shoulder and say “Leprosy”…..
….OK – so I can already hear the raised eyebrows – “whoa – he has gone far left wing communist socialist - fully politically correct and 100% woke on us !”(Btw, I prefer awake rather than woke – See MLK Jr On Getting Woke in 1965)
I can understand that some readers are a bit tired and annoyed at having to constantly on guard about the language they use. The points I often hear are:
“I just can’t keep up with the latest words that might offend all the different types of people and groups”
Well yes, our language evolves quickly in many areas … 18 months ago we had never heard the word Covid… social media pushes us to keep up with new acronyms and emojis … I will confess to using Urban Dictionary and 130 most important social media acronyms regularly
….and we have evolved our language around disabilities before….only the most out of touch would use the words “crippled” or “retarded” today
“People with disabilities (or other groups) should be less sensitive about words”
Right….. well I responded to that comment with
“Should Robert E. Lee should be viewed as a traitor and war criminal rather than hero?” All the sudden that person became very sensitive about words … (I’m ready for the hate mail on Robert E. Lee worshipers)
It’s just semantics!
In my opinion it isn’t “just semantics” ….words matter.
The language we choose and use is powerful – more than we imagine. The way we characterize individuals carries meaning and shape attitudes. Our words can either reinforce stereotypes, perpetuate prejudice and discourage individuals – or they can expand minds, open new possibilities and empower people who have been marginalized in the past.
I would be ashamed to think that any laziness or indifference on my part made someone feel any less capable or any less welcome.
Just a few thoughts…..
Walt
More info
· People first language – Summary
· Detailed language guide - Detailed language guide