It was the end of my first year in the Tokyo office .… and my first year as a manager …. Things had gone quite well….
I went into my annual review with pretty high confidence …. Japan was a very tough assignment and I was in need of a little well deserved praise and encouragement….
But instead of the “Exceeds Expectations” rating that I was sure I had more than earned, I was rated “Meets Expectations” …. “Performance Consistent with Peers”….
I was crushed – there is nothing so stinging as expected praise that never arrives….
When I asked why I was rated only “Meets” I just heard a bunch of BS – nothing relevant.
And in the brutally competitive up or out environment this meant the end of my career at the firm….likely the end of my consulting career…. my family and I could soon be homeless….
To add to the insult, they told me to get a new briefcase….. they said my old briefcase made me look like a student …
It got worse ….. I soon heard that moron Kenji, the biggest a@@ kisser on the planet, was promoted….I should just leave and find a new job….
I was angry…. frustrated… disillusioned…. despondent….
I went for a walk around Hibiya Park … and then again….then I took the afternoon off ….and went to my eternal place of emotional refuge – a book store – in this case Maruzen in Nihonbashi….
Several hours of exploring new ideas and faraway places did little to soothe my raw wound….
“They are all idiots….. they didn’t care how hard I worked…. they don’t like Americans….. they did not even take the time to see what I had accomplished…. I should just leave and go someplace else where I would be appreciated….”
I decided to call Professor Grayson …. my professor from business school…. and a mentor…. and friend….he is always insightful, deeply wise, savvy and brutally, brutally honest – he had been a great supporter…. he would agree it was an unfair rating and that I should leave….
I passionately laid out my story…. and when I paused for praise and agreement --- there was no compassion, no praise …..and no agreement - he was short –
“quitting would be stupid…. you are running with the big dogs now – “meets” means you are still in the game - find out what you need to do be a better consultant and leader….what skills/capabilities/impact separated you from the top performers….stop whining, get to work on those things that will make you better….
….and just get a new briefcase – that’s easy.”
Not exactly the comforting words I wanted to hear….after a week of determined sulking and wallowing in self-pity, I swallowed my pride….and took his advice to heart….
Over the years I have had many more chances to be disappointed…. and I have been able to observe literally hundreds of people respond to less than stellar performance feedback….. I will never fill Professor Grayson’s shoes…. But I do think there are some lessons I can share -
1). “You are now in the Big leagues”
Joining a world-class organization is exciting – it comes with a challenge - leading companies go to the very best schools… and then select the very best students…. and this best of the best group works hard ….the “Meets Expectations” bar moves higher every year…. I learned that I had to improve faster than the moving bar….
2) Don’t ask Why – ask What
It seems obvious now … but when I asked people why I was rated “Meets” I was playing the victim…. And there is nothing so pathetic as playing victim….
I also put them on the defensive …. and if the reasons had been vague in their mind, I just provided them opportunity to reinforce and solidify my shortcomings…. by challenging the ratings decision I was often shutting down the opportunity to get real guidance and direction…. by challenging the decision I was clearly not ready to listen to real suggestions….
When I later reversed the question to genuinely find how I could be better it had the opposite effect…. I could see the bar…. Sort out those things where I could take action….I learned what I could do to add more value, be more differentiated, grow capability…. and even if I did decide to leave, I had taken away something much more valuable than bitterness…..
3) Create the message/Listen to the Message
The boss or leader that can and will clearly articulate gaps in capability and performance is rare – the issues are often intangible and nuances…. compound that with the natural human disdain for delivering bad news and …. things are usually watered down – and the valuable insights on performance are lost
….I learned to start the conversation with a clear hypothesis of what I think I need to do and then seek acknowledgment or clarification…. I found that if I first open the door, create the space …. And give them the starting points for my feedback, I take the pressure off my supervisor ….when I ask myself the hard questions, when I am really self-critical, I always receive deeper insights and perspectives….
4) Is there a deeper message??
A disappointing performance rating or missing a promotion is tough…. and frustrating ….sometimes it is a temporary setback and opportunity for learning…. but sometimes it is much more….. it could signal that maybe we are on the wrong track….. that we need to change careers…. that’s probably a longer discussion….
I know it sounds odd, but that “Meets Expectations” rating was one of the best things that happened to me….. and I got a new briefcase……
Just a few thoughts….